i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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