dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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