Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
