Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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