i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
