why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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