I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
