he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
