i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
