Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.

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(757): Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed. http://tfl.nu/t0jo

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(626): View more from California

My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".

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(626): My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today". http://tfl.nu/jga5

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(970): View more from Colorado

just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....

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(970): just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address.... http://tfl.nu/ivpp

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser

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(262): what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser http://tfl.nu/r42a

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(330): View more from Ohio

I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential

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(330): I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential http://tfl.nu/2wmk

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(336): View more from North Carolina

and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex

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(336): and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex http://tfl.nu/hs2b

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.

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(978): I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver. http://tfl.nu/zig6

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?

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(412): Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something? http://tfl.nu/z60e

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(828): View more from North Carolina

you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.

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(828): you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life. http://tfl.nu/zm5g

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?

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(717): Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear? http://tfl.nu/anmu

Replies (4) Good night (561) Bad night (1617)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.

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(202): I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure. http://tfl.nu/68x5

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(512): View more from Texas

Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved

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(512): Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved http://tfl.nu/jelh

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(971): View more from Oregon

It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.

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(971): It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth. http://tfl.nu/pavc

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(845): View more from New York

So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...

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(845): So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first... http://tfl.nu/kd9w

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(616): View more from Michigan

I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?

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(616): I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day? http://tfl.nu/5vcx

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