I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...