I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive