All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
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you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
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I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?