Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss