he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
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somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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