So how was he last night?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
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Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.