he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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