No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
