I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
