If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
they're like a gay fantastic four
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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