We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
