is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
