We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
