Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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