Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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