your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
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you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
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OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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