we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
