I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
