didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
