nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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