so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
