mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
