fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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