she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
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She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
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You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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