If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
