im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
