i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
