she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
