oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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