Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
