Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
