Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
