If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
