ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
