hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
