Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Are my feet made of real feet?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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