I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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