There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
