He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
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You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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