Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
