Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
