he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
