you mean i was at the winter classic?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
