the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
