Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
