You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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