If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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