The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
