i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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