somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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