Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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