shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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