I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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