Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
