So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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