I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
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Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
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Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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