Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
