If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
