I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
