Do you still have your period?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
