I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Randomize
