I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
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Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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