The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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