I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
