we have pet lesbian snakes
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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