It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
