I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
