just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
