This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
