I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
